Ever notice how parents tend to speak in milestones? It's as if there's a trigger in our (I'm guilty of this too) brains that instantly makes a connection between a child's age and pending milestone. "Oh yes, my son is 8 months old." "Oh! Is he crawling?" or "This is Thomas, and he's 11 months old." "Well, he must be walking all over the place!"
Thomas has been on the "later" end of the spectrum for meeting some of his milestones, and that's likely why I'm hyper-aware of this conversation tactic. Sometimes it takes multiple daily reminders that Thomas is right on target for his adjusted age (aka subtracting 6 weeks from his February 17 arrival). But that's not something I'm going to talk about with complete strangers that I meet at the library or in the check-out line. I simply cannot allow another person's comment to belittle my parenting in any way, particularly someone whom I do not know and who does not know Thomas. That gives other people way too much power and takes glory away from God, who, should be glorified in all things. And regardless of all that, Thomas is a beautiful, healthy, joyful baby who never ceases to amaze me. So that's reason to rejoice enough whether he takes his first steps at 12 months or 15 months.
From now on, I vow to only ask what a parent's child has been doing lately rather than formulating my question based on
Everything You Need to Know About the First Year. It all too easily leads to parents feeling inadequate, anxiety-ridden, and discouraged. And why is it that parents love to compare their children to other children? Forgive me if I'm wrong, but that's not what parents need. They need support, love, and encouragement for taking on one of the greatest and most humbling vocations - raising a child. I, for one, could not be prouder of my firstborn and am overwhelmed with thanksgiving for this precious gift. Seems that the miracle of life is something parents should celebrate, emphasizing milestones less and beauty more.
Thanks be to God for the gift of life!
In general, I think people just aren't familiar with a young child's developmental stages. Thomas has not been behind in anything yet. Contrary to what many people think (including lots of moms), MOST babies are not walking by their first birthday! I forget the exact figure, but it's over 50% (I'll have to look it up in one of my old texts), ESPECIALLY firstborns.
ReplyDelete~Veronica
Great post! I too, am guilty of thinking too much in terms of milestones. Kudos to you for seeing that and not letting anyone belittle you! :)
ReplyDeleteIf there is one thing I have learned as a mom, it is that babies and toddlers do things on their own time, when they are ready. And I too have found myself listening to all the things that other kids do, thinking inside my head, do my girls do that yet? But I have really just enjoyed watching both Mir and Cecilia grow into beautiful daughters of God, taking one thing at a time and trying not to let others take that joy away from me as a mom! Fight the good fight and praise God for healthy, happy kiddos!
ReplyDeleteI'm so with you on this one, its so hard to avoid this topic. But let me just say this much. Miles didn't start walking until just over 13 months, and Maggie was the same way. Miles is more advance than Maggie was at her age in terms of motor skills. Maggie was saying real words by the time she was Miles' age. Every child is different. If his doctor is fine with where he's at, then its best to not worry about it. He looks like a beautiful little boy and I'm sure he is right where God wants him to be.
ReplyDeleteNot to say I didnt worry about Lucy reaching her milestones, I did. But, it's much easier to not think about milestones with subsequent children, because you know that at SOME point they WILL learn to sit up, crawl, walk, etc, no matter how long it takes. :) And, even if a child CAN walk does not mean they WILL walk. One of my friends, Katie, her daughter Lily (who is two months older then lucy to the day) COULD walk around 13 months, but CHOSE NOT to walk until 18 months. She was very stubborn, but had NOTHING to do with what she was capable of doing or what milestone she could have reached.
ReplyDelete(Although, I'd be happy if all our future children did not walk until age 3. :))
~Veronica
It's good to hear so many of you coming from a similar framework about this topic. I find it to be an effective reminder to take life one day, one moment (note: NOT one milestone!) at a time. God is faithful and has created each baby uniquely and beautifully. That's why the "normal" spectrum is just that...a spectrum that leaves room for babies to develop in their own time. And as moms, we can do all we can to nurture our children, but sometimes we just have to sit back and enjoy the ride, loving each moment as it comes!
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